


i can't help but like her

by carrotstix



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: F/F, and super in love with her fiance's sister, nat is really gay, sonya just wants to be supportive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 08:25:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7501116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrotstix/pseuds/carrotstix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“and natasha finds herself more interested in the wistful way mary speaks than the mentions of andrey.<br/>that’s when she starts to realize what was happening.”</p><p>-or-</p><p>natasha tries not to fall for her fiancé’s sister, and then she gives up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i can't help but like her

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at three in the morning because i love pretending that any character pippa soo plays is gay  
> title is a modified lyric from "natasha & bolkonskys"

for a princess, mary seems to do everything she can to seem plain. dresses in drab garments, wears little to no jewelry. she’s quiet, but sharp, watches natasha with calculation in her eyes. something else, too, that she can’t decipher.

she feels exposed under mary’s gaze, like mary can see past the fancy clothing, past the fur collars and the pearls.

she doesn’t know why she keeps going to see the bolkonskys, even with the thinly-veiled barbs she and mary had traded towards the end of her first visit. even now, the two of them seem to sit in silence more than they speak, and when they do talk, it’s mostly idle chat, for the sake of being polite more than anything else.

and still, natasha finds her dislike of mary starting to melt away every time they meet. mary seems more human with each visit, so young and yet already so guarded. natasha already has her own ideas on that. she’s seen the way mary flinches away from her father whenever he enters, the clipped tones she uses to speak of him, so different than the affection that seeps into her tone whenever her brother is brought into conversation.

(she doesn’t ask, however. whatever happens behind the closed door of the bolkonskys home is not her business. not yet, at least.)

still, despite the frostiness that had at once hung over the two of them whenever they spoke, natasha’s visits somehow become more and more frequent, and they actually start talking for real. natasha swaps stories of her siblings for the ones mary tells of growing up with andrey and his antics.

and natasha finds herself more interested in the wistful way mary speaks than the mentions of andrey.

that’s when she starts to realize what was happening.

-

it’s a little ironic that natasha’s first impression of mary was that the girl was plain.

now, it seems everything mary does has to a touch of wonder to it. natasha finds fascination in everything the other woman does. the lilt in her voice, the way she moves around the room as if she were trying to make as little noise as possible. the little, rare smiles that light up her eyes and fill the room.

natasha knows that what she should do, the right thing to do, would be to stop her visits to the bolkonskys. it’s what mary deserves, what andrey deserves.

oh, what would andrey say if he knew that his fiancé was more enamored with his sister than she was with him?

and still, she is selfish. she allows herself the time with mary, allows herself to fall deeper and deeper into the hole she’s digging herself because she simply can’t help it.  she can’t help the way her heart skips every time mary grins. she can’t help the fact that her stomach swoops every time mary’s eyes meet her own.

she can’t help the fact that somewhere along the line, she fell for her fiancé’s sister.

or that she doesn’t really mind.

-

it all changes on a day that was oddly warm, enough so that natasha found herself sweltering under her fur clothing.

mary smiles when natasha enters the drawing room, so bright that the other woman can’t help but return it.

someone appears in the doorway, a servant that she recognizes but cannot name, and offers tea. mary motions for him to enter, and he does so, quiet as he pours two cups.

once he leaves, natasha takes the cup that’s been set before her, takes a sip and ignores the way the hot liquid burns down her throat. or tries to, at least. her nose crinkles as she grimaces, and opposite her, mary laughs, raising a hand to cover her mouth as she does.

“why do you do that?” natasha asks.

“do what?”

“you cover your mouth when you laugh or smile,” she points out.

mary flushes, looking away as pink seeps into her cheeks, and shrugs.

“you have a beautiful smile,” natasha adds.

mary turns back to face her and their eyes meet. there’s an intensity in her eyes that has natasha scooting back in her seat and gripping onto her cup hard enough to turn her knuckles white. they stare at each other, unable to look away, until the sound of prince bolkonsky coughing comes from enough room, distant but loud enough to be heard.

natasha places her tea back on the table, hard enough that some comes splashing out on the table.

“i really should be on my way,” she says, standing, and mary says nothing to stop her as she flees from the room.

natasha’s still reeling by the time she reaches her godmother’s home, and she rushes straight for her room, intent on making it there before her arrival is noticed. she has no such luck, however, when sonya sees her as she passes the parlor, her cousin looking up from the book in her hands when she hears the footsteps.

“natasha,” she says, head tilited. “you’re home early.”

“not by much,” natasha replies, a poor attempt to heed the other woman off.

“almost two hours,” sonya counters. “did something happen?’

“no,” she replies, much too fast.

“natalie, if something happened, you can tell me-”

“nothing _happened,_ sonya,” natasha snaps, and without waiting for a response, makes off to her room.

-

it is three days since she has last seen princess mary, and she has not been able to put their last encounter out of her mind when there’s a knock at the door. natasha looks around, waits for marya to appear to open it, before it dawns on her that she’s the only one home, so she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and goes to open it herself.

and finds princess mary standing on the other side.

natasha is shocked into silence, eyes wide as she simply stands there holding the door open and stares. the silence is broken by mary clearing her throat, glancing down towards her feet.

“may i come in?”

“oh, yes,” natasha says, stepping back to allow the other girl to step inside before she closes the door after her.

mary fidgets with her hands, looking towards the ground and stairs and anywhere but natasha. “are your godmother and cousin around?”

natasha shakes her head. “marya is off visiting family in petersburg, and sonya went out to shop.”

“good,” mary breathes, and before natasha can respond, there are hands on her hips and mary’s lips on hers.

it takes her about two seconds to register the situation, and another two to respond in kind, hands coming up to grip at shoulders and tangle in hair.

natasha doesn’t know how long they stay like that, with her pressed against the wall and mary gripping at her sides. minutes pass into what feels like hours, and it’s only once the other pulls back that she comes back to herself.

“wait,” mary whispers, gasping for air. “what about andrey?”

“i think it is not convenient to speak of that now, dear princess,” natasha replies, grin pulling at her lips as she tugs mary back into another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, mary is #relatable.


End file.
